BAMBOOZLED

All I can say is OMIGOD! And thanks to my detective sister. Well, you know how I was bragging last week about all the men from all over the world that were texting me daily, well, they were all a scam. All one and the same person!!! So Frank George, Jason Fred, Jim Michael, and Julius O'Neill were all one and the same man. I should have seen the pattern...duh! And isn't it funny that all the compliments and praise started to get to an old 55-year-old woman, and I was starting to believe that I was really just THAT popular. But the telltale signs were: they always ask for your home email first, then your phone no., then they profess to love you (after a few days) and apparently the next thing would have been them asking for money. I'm dumb, but I'm not totally stupid, okay. When the first guy said he loved me, I told him no, you don't, you don't know me. But when 3 out of the 4 were all totally and completely in love with me, that's when I sent Detective sister the love letter that I got, which she in turn googled, and found it on loveletters.com. The pictures of his kitchen, she found those too online and the fake son and fake photos of all 4 guys were all bogus - models' pictures. I feel violated and used. They must have thought they had me because I wasted one week of my life talking to them. This must be a sign from God that I shouldn't use online dating, but fear not, I have seen the light and have cancelled my subscription to Metrodate! Ladies beware - it's bogus. They are not who you think they are. It all started getting suspicious when all the guys sounded the same and one was supposed to be in Dubai working while the other was in Nigeria buying antiques. Funny, why were the phone nos. almost identical. They were all widows with one child or had been betrayed by a woman. The ploy is they flatter us, tell us they love us, then we're supposed to do anything for them, including send them money. But I had trouble with the I love you part. It hinted of psycho stalkerism. Why are 3 guys in love with me at the same time? And as hard as it is to a) get guys to text us constantly online or b) get a man to tell us he loves us or c) just getting a man to call us, why were these guys so eager to say it so quickly and talk to me all night. Oh yeah, they all send pre-typed get-to-know-you emails that go on and on, and if you call them (I have free long distance) and they are supposed to be American, they have foreign accents. I kept asking dude from London, why do you have a Jamaican accent and you're supposed to be Irish! None of it made sense, but while it did make a lonely girl feel wanted and ever-so-popular, it also didn't add up. And because I was playing the field, and because I guess they are all dummies, they didn't think that I would notice all the similarities. When I finally caught the con (thanks to sis), he still wanted me to forgive him. He asked me don't you have feelings for me. And I said, actually, no I don't. I don't know you, I don't love you, and goodbye. When they asked me to come see them or call them long distance, I said no, you phone me or come and see me, and they said, you can't put a price on love. So I was amused and distracted for one week, but now reality has set in, and I have seen the light. I'm done. So now that POF and Metrodate are history, I guess I'll just have to hope to meet Mr. Wonderful in person, which is by far the best way, as what you see is what you get. On the bright side, now I have time to enjoy my summer and get to those goals and sense-of-purpose duties that I have been neglecting.

Btw, Alabama didn't show up to meet me on Saturday (due to his conference), but he claims he will try to make the drive before he heads back to Alabama. No call from Superstore Neil either - I guess boy-toy forgot my no. Maybe I am destined to wait for my absentee husband after all, but one thing for sure, I am SCARED of Metrodate!! I will chalk up my wasted week as being a valuable life lesson! Thanks sis!

Too many men - too little time

Well, I had an off week last week. I haven't got one bite from POF since the spy, but Metrodate is keeping me hopping. Would you believe I get 2 emails per day from men from across the globe? They tell me I'm beautiful and sweet and angelic. I must say it is very gratifying to hear, just when I was starting to feel like an Old Maid. I am currently talking to six men right now: men from every corner of the globe: California, Indiana, 2 from Australia, London, and Malaysia. Funny thing, three of them quoted the Bible in their welcome e-mail. There must be something about my smile or something but these guys are falling hard for me. I sure don't want to break anybody's heart but seriously they shouldn't fall so hard until we at least meet in person. I mean, come on. But I do feel somewhat like a player. I feel powerful. I have my pick of men, and I am weeding them out. They all claim to want to come and visit or want me to visit them (send ticket please!) 2 of them have left for Dubai and Nigeria on business. They all are looking for mates. They hope I don't forget them while they're gone (heck, I can't even keep them straight when they're here!). I must say that I am wasting valuable time getting to know these guys, but it is necessary for me to get to know them better, pull out their flaws, and weed out the quacks. And let's not forget about Mr. Alabama, who is supposed to be coming to meet me this Sat. It's not like I am cheating on any of them, I am just doing research. Ahem. The confusing part about multi-chatting is to make sure that you are saying the right thing to the right person. And why do their names have to be two first names like Fred Michael or Jim Frank. I would have to say the most attractive and the least likely man that I will meet is the gorgeous specimen of a man from Malaysia. This guy looks like a GQ underwear model - OMIGOD! I would love to do a version of Eat Pray Love, but instead it would be called Travel Men Sex, a travelogue to different countries to meet men. Wouldn't that be great? Travel to London to see Jay; next head to Sydney to hook up with Joel, and while I'm in Australia, then another date with Mr. Nice; from there, head to Malaysia and swoon with Frank, then to California to see Jim, and finally to Indiana to see Jason. Phew! Sort of like the Bachelorette Gone Wild. Check them all out, rate them on kissing, looks, compatibility, availability, stability, sanity, then choose the best bet!

I am really enjoying my adventure, and it doesn't look like the absentee husband is heading back my way, so I have his blessing to "Move On" once and for all. So that is what I am doing. It is very time consuming and all absorbing, so sometimes I have to shut the computer off to do chores. But I guess this is what it feels like to be single and 55, and I am loving it. Bring on the emails, baby! Stay tuned!

BlackPeopleMeet Here I Come!

So after hearing nada from the last 5 guys I have gone out with from Plenty of Fish, I have bit the bullet and listened to my eldest daughter, and I have subscribed to a Paid Dating Service!! She claims that is why I haven't found anybody worthwhile. And lo and behold, I have received 80 emails. Yikes. After the Spanish Fly, I mean, Spy texted and then failed to respond, I have accepted the fact that a) he was a mama's boy after all, b) perhaps he was gay c) maybe he got offended when I refused his offer to drive or walk me home or d) maybe he got miffed when I chose SYTYCD over him. Oh well, Spanish Wayne Newton was definitely not my scene.

So back to my 80 emails. I have flirted and chatted with several interesting males. One is from Alabama but just happens to be visiting a city near me. After chatting, we realized that we both went to university in the same city, and there are alot of spooky coincidences that I can only attribute to divine intervention or my late ex-husband's doing. We are going to try to meet up at the end of the month. I am feeling excited and hopeful for our meeting. He is definitely more my type, and we seem to have alot in common. And just when I had given up on men in general, he calls me long distance to chat (on his dime). I will update you as it gets closer to the end of the month.

Today at the grocery store on my way to get my buggy, an attractive younger man kept smiling at me and mumbling under his breath. I thought he was talking to himself. I'm used to seeing crazies daily. But he seemed to be following me and staring at me and as I got closer, I could hear him saying how beautiful I was (what?). Then as we were both putting loonies in our carts, he said, you must be married, right? And I said no. He said then you must have a boyfriend, I said no. Then he said are you into younger men, I said yes (duh?). Then he said well could I call you and maybe we could go for a drink or something. So he asked for my no. and I politely asked for his. He said he didn't have one (uh oh), but I gave him my cell no. Of course, we couldn't find a pen, so I don't know if he'll remember my no. by heart or not. But there definitely was a moment. I asked his name, he said Neil, I told him mine, we shook hands, he didn't want to let go of my hand. Then he kept repeating how gorgeous I was (I didn't even look that great) but he just kept saying it over and over again. Then he said so I'll call you, and away we went. I know what you're all thinking: everybody claims that when you're not looking for somebody, they just show up at the unlikeliest places, like a grocery store. I have to admit that it was very flattering, and even if I don't hear from him, it put a smile on my face.

Spanish Spy

So I decided to have "at er" again and responded to a flirt from a guy named Tony, a spanish political asylum refugee. We exchanged emails and phone numbers. When I first heard his voice, I thought it was alarmingly high and a little too soft-spoken, but he was intrigued to meet the following day at a local coffee shop not far from home. I have to admit I was a little intrigued to meet a real "bourne supremacy" type guy. He looked exactly like his photo (darn!). I was hoping he would be more buff and more latin lover type, but instead he looked more like Wayne Newton. He bought me a Tazo tea, and we chatted for an hour until I had to rush off to catch "So you think you can dance." (A girl has priorities, right?) I checked out his teeth (great!) and his shoes (nice!) but he was wearing white socks (with black dress shoes?). He looked decent enough, dress pants, white shirt (with buttons popping). He was very gentlemanly, and he told me he was strictly interested in friendship, not sex (must be gay!), so I was happy to hear that I wouldn't have to be fighting off his embraces. He also told me he lived with his mother (do any of these guys live alone?). He said he wanted to see me again and asked what I felt. I said of course I was open to being friends. I told him I would be out of town until Thurs. but if he wanted to see me again, he had my nos. and email. He emailed me Thursday morn with a "hello beautiful," but I haven't heard anything more from him. Just as well. I've decided that if I am not attracted to their photo, I am not wasting my time. Yes, call me vain, but if I have to kiss and spend time with a guy, he better at least be good to look at. btw i haven't heard anymore from Moroccan man except a call and message to call me later that evening, which he didn't do.

I must say, I have gotten some X-rated emails from guys on Metrodate. Sheesh! Some guy even sent me a picture of his (you guessed it). Yuck. I have gotten several emails from older gentlemen in California and NY, wanting to get to know me. Rich widowers with mansions (ya, right!). All the cute guys a) either don't respond or b) respond saying they're looking for someone younger. They don't know what they're missing, clearly. The distance thing is a real turnoff too, but at the moment I am talking to an aviatic lunatic from Denver, a musician from somewhere in the states, and the two widowers. I will keep you posted.